It is one of those nights where I get frustrated or emo, if you like. Seems like I am a human repellent. Probably true, judging from how deep my rejection to outside world can get at times. It is a chronic disease, I do not know when it started happening but I am very well aware of it right now. Everything just takes so much effort now. When I let go for a while, it all loosens and falls apart. Heavy workload is a very, very good excuse but deep down there is just some mismatched gears. It is a sorry state of mind to be in, and a sorry state to be constantly in such a state of mind. You probably would not get it, but then again you might. But is it my expressionless face, or is it my eyes that sees nothing, or is it my feet that would not stop for a familiar face for fear of being bogged down, or is it my mouth that never greets? Why does it take so much effort from me? Why isn't the reverse happening to me? There are still a few, yet it is getting fewer and fewer. The constant booming bass is not helping, curse them!

But no, I do not seek to take my own life. I just pray that I will be relieved of fear of solitude as the inevitable seeks me. I feel better now.

p/s: Thank god for Beatles and caffeine. Life would be unbearable were it not for them.