(I know this post is oh so outdated. But better late than never)

One fine day about a month ago, me friends and I embarked on a journey to the unknown. The unknown was located near the Kuantan Port. The fellowship included me, Jenny, Tcherry, and STFU (Starfish Ultimate). Originally there were four people in the fellowship but a fellow comrade, McLum betrayed us in the last minute. But we were undaunted. So with a few rusty, ancient parangs and a staunch heart, we ventured into the mysterious forest that stood between us and our final destination.

When we were in the mysterious forest, we didn’t see any ferocious beasts but we were on guard nonetheless because like Chinese proverb says, “one ten-thousand is not as fearsome as ten-thousand one”. Got it? Good.

Anyway when we were walking on the hidden path left by adventurers from the past, we heard fearsome creatures growling, snarling, neighing, and bleating (!!!) in the background. Their cries were so horrible and blood-cuddling that we told jokes to each other. I was a bit afraid because there were some tricky slopes; I feared that if I slipped it will become a hatred of thousand bones and I’d become a Hollow. My comrades were lucky because they’re not as burdened by the force of gravity as I was. STFU wore shorts so his sexy, slender legs were being cut mercilessly by the bastardly evil plants. Other than that, there were not much problems besides sucker mosquitoes.



After about 40 minutes of trudging through the dark forest, we finally reached the beautiful shores of a nameless beach.

A view of the beautiful beach

I saw the heaven and ...angels, but the angels don't show in the photo

There were morning glories growing abundantly zz..

Having suffered from certain bodily discomfort for more than an hour, I knew that this was the golden opportunity. Being not a stupid person, I conducted a number two million-dollar business in a hut so conveniently built nearby. Great success! I buried the nutritious elements I left behind meticulously so that now the flowers will grow. I felt proud to have contributed to the preservation of our natural environment.

We took a while to camwhore a bit...

One of the brave adventurers

Jenny’s tripod proved to be a really useful tool indeed. Not only did it help us to take pictures of everybody, but it also saved Jenny’s camera from a tragic death following an invasion by the thrice-damned ocean water.

Anyway, we threw our stuffs in a shady place and transformed into hot, topless Asians, and jumped into the lovely embrace of Mother Ocean. Because of the large number of hermit crabs discovered by my comrades, we decided to name this place Hermit Lagoon! We swam (well, at least I tried to float) and we found an undisturbed ocean life in the lagoon that wasn’t seen in places like TC3. It was a really beautiful places untainted by civilization or human pollution. We had a lot of fun just going round and looking under the rocks to look for fishes and other organisms. Unfortunately, STFU couldn’t find his species there. What a shame!

Le blue tank

Le stupid sea cucumber who wouldn't cooperate when I wanna take pictures of it

Le sea slut slug

Le crab with a foaming mouth

Le fish whose name must not be spoken

She sells sea shells by the seashore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells

Le used-to-be fish

When we were having fun and getting wet and aroused, we spotted our possible-ancestors gathering in force towards the place where we placed our stuff. My comrades rushed to our place while I stayed behind because I was trying to track some fish (Reader: sanpa lou, never seen wild fishes before izit? Me: stfu! STFU: You call me a?). My comrades discovered that the ancestors had already landed irreparable damage to our assets (no, not our attractive physical assets you pervert!). It was a critical moment. Tcherry and Jenny weren’t able to summon the bankai of their parangs, so they were powerless against our more experienced ancestors who were also the local snake. STFU who was formerly the God of Nature was being sealed in human form, so his godly powers couldn’t be unleashed. I was too far away to help! We needed a strategy! After a long session of discussion, debate, cum insult-throwing, and whatever the Members of Parliament like to do, my comrades decided to retreat. And so we were forced to evacuate and move to another place among the rocks. I was on the verge of despair when I saw my food container being destroyed by the savage apes. I decided that I am going to take arms against those beasts and if I have free time, I will attack the Planet of the Apes. However I was relieved when I saw that my Big Bunny candies survived the onslaught unharmed.

Anyway we went to play again. This time Tcherry and Jenny used Shunpo to climb up the rocky slopes and explore the dark area beyond while I, having no such skills, couldn’t reach them and I ended up walking on the sharp rocks. STFU was having a good time soaking in the sea water which is rising rapidly. When I saw him in his eyes, I saw delight and an excitement that I had not seen since that time, that time when he floated all the way from Langkawi to Kuantan through the raging seas, through the fiery storms, and the legendary Kraken.

Le fabuleux kraken!

I saw a terrorist on the beach. He told me he's looking for Osama. Since crime rates are soaring, I asked him to show me his id to prove that he is really a terrorist. Guess what he said?

Terrosist: Ano, I forgot it at home.

Hmmm, must be a fake one. I just walked away.

The sun was getting hotter and hotter and the water level is getting higher and higher, we realized that if we don’t leave the sea soon, we would risk extinction. After having a debate and a vote, we agreed on a special policy that is biased to Chinese that we retreat to a more shady part on the beach. We also devised a security act to imprison and execute any animal without trial that we suspect is involved in the attack against us. As soon as we finished making laws to protect only ourselves, we took our supplies and walked to a bed of seashells on our bare foot (damn painful, who the heck suggested that) under some trees to rest. After taking a wink and having some obscene fun,

Ahem, no comment. Interpret it as you like

being deprived of all our food supplies (damn you gluttonous corrupt apes!), we decided to head back and have lunch.

After an arduous trip through the woods – this time it’s uphill, we finally made it back to the familiar environment – human civilization, exposed once more to the responsibilities, sanity, pollution, corruption, and the darkness of man’s heart. Being emaciated, we hopped onto the car and ate to our heart’s content.

To end this magical journey, I want to recite a poem:

The sky is blue,
The sand is white,
We all are hottie,
And monkeys are naughty,
KFC is yummy.

Sekian, terima kasih.

p/s: Phew, done. This is way longer than I expected
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